he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
