i need an iv and a liver transplant
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
