New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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