did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
