How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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