i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
