how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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