I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
