I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
