Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
