Duck Duck Cougar?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
