i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
