The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
