She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
