and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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