In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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