I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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