I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
3pm strippers are depressing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
