We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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