btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize