I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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