someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
