fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
