I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
