hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
