...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
