So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
