so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
