It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
