i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize