dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
