EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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