I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
