She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
