i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
