I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
