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Don't you send me to vm
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
