you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
