if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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