I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
