TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize