drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
