Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
