also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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