What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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