I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
