yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
