I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
