the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
