Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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