come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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