Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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