you guys were way drunker than both of me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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