You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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