I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize