But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
