you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish there were birth control emojis
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
