Your mouth is God's brothel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
