We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
40s are totally the cure
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I still have a little drunk in my system
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize