she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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