So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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