Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
