Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize