If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
