You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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