someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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