She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
