how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize