can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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