I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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