Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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