her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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