I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
