I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize