I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
