Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
