My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
