We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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