I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
