He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
