i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
