I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
