my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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