my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
