I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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