It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
