It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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