Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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