my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
