Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
