I think im going to throw up on grandma
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
