so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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