My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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