All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Im part way to drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
