You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
