on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
