You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I believe in your delicious
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
