And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
