I want to make a zoo with you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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