I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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