Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am puke
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize