Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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