Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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