i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize