I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this boner is exhausting
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize