Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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