you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
